Sure, cancer can be a death sentence, and it is shit, but it is possible to live with it and live through it and more importantly, live HAPPILY through it. And I believe this to be true of other chronic diseases, and anyone living with a long-term, possibly life-threatening disease.

I have recently been listening to a podcast on Radio 5, called 'You, Me and the Big C', a new show by 3 women who have or have had cancer. Their aim is to spread the truths behind cancer, and the message that cancer doesn't have to be all bad and you can make it what you want it. It is a hilarious podcast, that I would definitely recommend purely on that basis, that is also very informative, and humbling. They discuss everything - from the physical effects of cancer and cancer treatment to the mental impacts, the negatives to the positives (yes, apparently there are some!!), most recently they've done episodes in which they discuss the impact of cancer on loved ones (because really they are impacted almost as much as the patient), and they have discussed alternative treatments, and so so much more, anything you can think of. Cancer is a vast topic.

To be honest, the podcast is personally very helpful as I can relate to so much, to the ladies' personal thoughts, their positive outlooks but also their fears, and to their experiences. But I think the messages they are trying to share are so so important for everyone. As cancer will impact 1 in 2 people now, it is so important that everyone is aware of it.

Being in the cancer community can be draining - there are massive ups and awful downs. Today I've heard the news of loss, both of someone I've followed on social media since my own diagnosis, and of Labour minister Tessa Jowell. It's saddened me greatly, and it makes me angry, that cancer can take life so easily. But, I think it's important to take from people like this their positive attitude. The former I followed on social media for her positivity, the hope she exerted despite experiencing all the crap she did, and the way she persevered and continued to live how she wanted, doing the things she loved with the people she loved. People actually living with cancer are inspirations to us all as to how we should live, we can choose whether we are happy with our lives or not.

This may not be true and I may have just rambled a whole bunch of nothingness. I've said before I have a lot of thoughts and I'm not always good at articulating them. I think I'm just trying to put a positive spin on all the horribleness that cancer brings.

Personally I don't know what's going to happen with my cancer, all I know is that this week is one year since I had my second operation which was my last form of treatment, and that my next scan is in August. So until August I won't know what's going to happen next. But I like to think that whatever happens, like so many people in the cancer community I will be able to continue to 'live' with cancer. Sometimes you just gotta roll with what life brings you. And sometimes you have to accept death. And live with that.

I really don't actually know what I'm trying to say.

My inability to articulate what's going on in my mind is part of the reason I haven't blogged so much!!

I think I'm going to do some more general posts about living in Italy, my year abroad and my travels - to break up revision for my upcoming exams (how is it that time again already?!). Only two months until I move back to England, so I'm just trying to make most of this beautiful country! (I've been up to a lot since my last post - Rome is wonderful, and busy.)

Much much love to all. and go give that podcast a listen it's fab.

M x

#cancer #life #death #positivity